Pushers and Pullers

It’s been a couple of days since I met with my trainer and doctor, which was Thursday afternoon.  I haven’t really written anything since then because of the discussion that we had.  This truly was a “door opening” experience.  We all sat down, as we usually do, and I knew that I was going to get reamed because of what happened Tuesday night into Wednesday morning.  I totally blew my diet, had three long island iced teas, pizza, drove home (irresponsible), went to McDonald’s the following morning, and then lucky for me tripped over the gas pump hose and fell right on my face.  (Yes, I’m ok.  More so bruised my ego than anything else.)

Anyways, I knew that Thursday was going to be a difficult day.  I woke up feeling lethargic and not wanting to move.  I got my ass up, and tried to give myself a pep talk on my way to their office.  It didn’t really work.  I was feeling emotionally overwhelmed.  Defeated.  Angry.  Upset.  Frustrated.

When I sat down, they both came in and Dr. B in her usual self wants to know why.  (Her famous question for pretty much any situation…reminds me of when we were 5 years, always wanting to know why.  Why is the sky blue?  Why do some cows have brown spots, some with black?  Why airplanes stay in the air?).  Many times when she asks me why, I don’t have a real answer for her.  Because, I tell her(probably what most of our parents told us when we asked why).  So this time she wasn’t having it.  She broke me down to what the real issue was that Tuesday evening.

So, you’re probably wondering what the issue is.  Well several actually.  One being that when people who are “fit” in my eyes complain that they’re fat and ugly etc.  My thought process goes into, well if you’re fat…I must be this gigantor of a person (which physically I am), and actually the amount of emotional baggage that comes with that is large as well.  I’ve actually had conversations with this friend about how this makes me feel, and in her defense yes we all have different perspectives.   About ourselves, and others.   It drives me crazy to the point, where I can’t remember a time where I just vented to this friend about my weight,  my feeling uncomfortable in my skin without being prompted by something.    People’s actions and verbal sayings can take on a meaning to one person and yet mean something different to another person.  It was a difficult night to say the least, and to add alcohol into the mix it was a down right disaster.

Yes, we all have issues, we all have things we must over come…internally and externally.  Prior to meeting with the Doc…I played Tuesday night over and over and over in my head, and decided that I wasn’t going to be able to spend New Years Eve out.   I knew being around certain foods, drinks, and people would take me off my track again.

It was an interesting session Dr. B, Mike and I had.  This is where we talked about “pushers” and “pullers”.  Pushers are the people who are able to assist others along in their journey…whatever that journey may be.  I have quiet a few pushers…real pushers…in my life.  I am eternally grateful for them.  Then there are the pullers, the one’s that may grab onto your life vest while you’re still weak in order to save themselves.  People and objects can interchange between pusher and puller throughout the journey.  I told them that prior to meeting with them I had already decided to stay away from pullers…I love carbs and what would be at a NYE party…none other than carbs.  This is probably the true reason for me staying in watching movies (Meet me at the Greek, and Eclipse).  However, I also had a migraine which kinda kicked my ass in the afternoon.

Keep the pusher close to you, and the pullers…they’re going to have to get along with out you for a while until you can build the strength not to be pulled down. Evaluate your relationship with food, things, people, etc.

Happy New Year.